Goodbye My Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget these images
No...
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I'll bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

~Artist A Fine Frenzy

Breathe Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
And needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
And needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
And needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

~Artist Sia

Mothers

Remember when you're kids would do this....

And then all the excuses through the years...


Also all those little things that just seemed perfect to you on your special day...though they were pure luck for us...

And then lastly it comes to this...

It hasn't yet happened yet for some, but Mother, I want you to know, that I hope you still feel like a MOM even though none of your children are near to care for.

I love you!!!

Have a Happy Mothers Day!!

Euphoria!! I've found it!

I woke up this morning, in such a great mood, as today is the day which we get to move into our new house, or else at least finish the paperwork for it.
But then, my happiness was smashed when I heard that there was no good news to be heard, how sad I felt, I broke down and cried, I took a long walk to our apartment afterwards just to get some fresh air and sunshine, to make myself feel better, and it did help.
I was praying the whole way, that things would miraculously work out for good, and when I got here there was still no news but I felt better.
About 10 minutes pass and Pablo comes home, with such wonderful news!!
WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!
YES!!!
I'm happy again.
'Euphoria came and went, and with it, it has left a path of sadness, as I was happy, and now I´m sad once again.'
I wrote that this morning, but now I feel euphoria once again!!!

the post with pictures

as promised

no pictures yet this time

I had a wonderful time last night, just taking pictures of this mini fashion walk.
I believe the 'official' photographer didn't really know what to do when I and my friend were around shooting pictures, he gave us dirty looks at first and kept glancing over to get an idea of what we were doing with our dlsr's, but warmed up after a bit and started smiling back whenever I'd smile over at him, and even started dancing around to the music they had on, fun fun.
Made some new friends with a foreign student and a Ukrainian girl, very nice people, and it was fun to have new faces around to talk to.
I haven't uploaded any pictures yet, as usual, but this time I really promise that I will post some on this blog, I know I haven't kept any of my other promises, but I'll try, I really will.
We went to a restaurant afterwards, and enjoyed a nice cold beer and some fries, went there with our new friend Fabio, the name totally didn't suit him at all, and he looked like the mac guy from the Mac commercials, awesome time talking to him, perhaps will hang out in the future.
We're packing all our stuff today, and will be moving to our new house, so I probably won't be able to post the pictures anytime soon, as we probably won't have internet for a while, but I still will try, perhaps go to an internet cafe or something.
Well, it was nice of you to stop by, please do so again in the future for an update with actual pictures...I promise, it will only be pictures, no comments or anything.

New Art

I have two pieces of artwork that I finished. Both of which I've been working on for quite a while. Well...one of them I had been working on for quite a while, the other, I did a rough sketch and never went back to it until yesterday.
Anyhow, here they are for your viewing pleasure

Free Yourself
Free yourself from the ties of the world
Desire to embrace the wind
Let go of all that you've known
To gain that eternal peace within
Repression
-
Self Portrait

CashBack

I just saw it, it was a cute movie
Makes me wish I could stop time as well though
His art is soooo awesome, jealousy man
such jealousy

Summer in Chile

Of this whole summer season here in Chile, you'd think I'd be hitting the beaches, or at least get a bit tan somewhere on my albino body....but no
I'm as white as can be, and I can't see to convince the people of my home to go to the beach with me, how I want to go!!!!
Knowing the South Americans for their obsession with being fit...well most of them anyhow....fine just the populace within the ages of 15 to 30 or so, I'd be the fat american, dammit.
hehe....I know you all love me and will over load my blog with comments such as
'oh your not fat sweety'
'round is a shape dammit!!'
and so forth....and I really would love to hear them

end of meaningless rant

the much delayed post from me

Peace to all those of you who visit my blog still.
It has seen a bit of tranquility over the last few months.
But now here is a post to update things a bit.

I have arrived safely back in Chile (as of three weeks ago about...) but I'm happy and content for all those who care.
The trip back here was long, and tiring, and I think I slept for about a full day when I got back.

Thanks so much to Dawn and Donovan for putting me up for the few hours I was in Miami, I really REALLY appreciated it. heh GBY Don, if you ever see this, getting up at 3:30am to have me at the airport in time, was really a good Samaritan deed for you to do, as well as put up with all my incessant calling throughout the day to see if my computer had actually arrived.

But anyhow, enough with that, I doubt you're ever going to read this post, so on to the more interesting subjects for the rest of you who do read this blog.

Where was I? (such a classic self directed question.)

Oh yes, I got a complimentary international flight from Avianca Airlines. Was quite nice actually, and totally unexpected, as I had only asked if I could rebook my ticket for later on in the day as I was waiting for my computer to arrive.
But the thing was that they were overbooked on both flights, and told me that if I did that, then I'd be put on standby and I probably wouldn't even get to go on the flight at all.
Anyhow, what the sweet guy that helped me out did was ask his supervisor if he could put me on Voluntary status so that if they were overbooked for my flight (which they were) then they would put me confirmed on the next flight, plus give me food vouchers and a voucher for an international roundtrip ticket from the airline.
Groovy eh?
I thought so, plus I was hoping desperately that I'd get my computer that day as well...which unfortunately I didn't.
But anyhow, that said and done, the day went by uneventfully, with me curling up in some corner of the noisy airport to get some much needed rest which I failed to get because of the early wake-up I had.
So instead of spending the whole day in Bogota, Columbia, as previously planned, I spent it in Miami.
No pictures of me at the airport though, so sorry, I was way too tired to be taking any. And there wasn't anything interesting to be taking pictures of...well people...but who really wants their photograph taken at the airport? Really? I mean we all know that when your travelling you don't really look good at all...that is unless its a 2 hour flight and you have a really hot boyfriend/girlfriend waiting for you when you arrive at your destination.
I spent roughly 2 days travelling, I arrived in Santiago at 5am in the morning.
Thanks to Danny for picking me up at another ungodly hour, hah, I really have a lot of people to be thankful for.
You guys rock! really...you do, I'm not just saying it...where would I be without you? With all my overweight luggage and everything, ehh...no not really overweight.
But yes, I've been back for a while now, and the only post that you've gotten from me is one about my new photoblog, which not too many of you visited...well of the people that visit my blog at least.
So thats that, life has gotten pretty much back to usual again, with teaching, and studying, and all the rest of the home life activities and projects.
I'd post a picture...but I just realized that my hard drive isn't plugged in, and theres no extra plug to do so either, so too bad, you'll have to wait for next time.

Oh, and thanks to all of you who kept me in your prayers, I'm sure my travelling experiences would have been quite horrid without them.

Because of you, I've been blessed

New Photoblog

I changed my photoblog over to www.lei.pixyblog.com
or click the picture to get there
feel free to leave comments because I love getting them :D

In the Air Again

To all those who read this blog, this is a request for prayer.

I´ll be travelling for the next 2 days about, and would like to ask for safety, against any problems with my luggage (e.g. overweight, damage, loss, etc.) And that I get back to Chile in one piece.

Love you all uber much, and tks so much for your prayers.

The Waiting

There is one thing that I've grown to dislike about traveling...well a few things actually but I'll only mention the one here for now.

It's the waiting

Yes, the waiting...you know, when its the day that you're leaving and your just waiting around to leave because there's not much else to do.

Or there's the waiting on someone to drive you to the airport.

And the wandering, wandering around because you have absolutely nothing to do, and everyone else is blissfully happy immersed in their jobs for the day and you have absolutely no idea what to do except offer your help, and hope that they don't give you a job that will interfere with your waiting and not make you late.

But then, while you've volunteered yourself for some kind of job, a million thoughts run through your head about so many other things that you had to do, that you suddenly remembered, and are trying your hardest not to forget.

Though, doing something, is almost always better than the dreaded waiting...

It's not that you're waiting happily to leave, just that you know the time is going to be upon you soon that you will have to leave, thus the reason for all the waiting.

Once your finally on that bus, or plane, or train, or whatever, the waiting stops....or so you think

It actually starts another cycle...the waiting to get to your destination, the dependence you have on so many other people to get you there, and the total helpless feeling that if they don't get you there then you will have to wait around for someone else that will.

Of for a pair of wings, that I wouldn't have to wait so much, or the capability of teleportation so I wouldn't have to 'wait' in lines.

Man I gotta make my resolutions list

I'm sitting here drinking a nice caguama of Tecate beer, and just enjoying myself, after a nice long walk, in which I ended up jumping into the ocean for a little New Years fun.
The story is that I was going to jump over this drainage ditch and get to the other side perfectly fine, but chance had it that I would slip and fall right into the ditch of stinky water (just my luck, right?)
So the only thing to do, other than just continue walking, was to run into the ocean and rinse myself off so at least I could smell a little better.
So I did, it was lovely really, as it wasn't cold today, it was very nice.
Just the water was a bit icy, so my legs froze.
But I'm in one piece...well besides the cut I suffered on my hand and the little damage my new watch suffered because of the incident.

Happy New Year everyone, do something crazy to remember it in the years to come!!!

Caffeine and Hobbs

You know, to completely contradict the last post, I'd like to say that I'm finally in some kinda holiday spirit.
It seemed that it just happened overnight.
Or perhaps its all the caffeine and liquor thats talking.
Man you gotta love having a Coffee bar in the morning complete with everything from Kahlua, to Bailey's, and to top it all off with a little whip cream.
Oh yeh, I'm on a high.
3 cups of the stuff, it has to be bad for me, but I'm feeling good, so hey, its doing its job.
Well, I hope you're all having good festive activities as well, and you don't drink as much coffee as I am.

So this is Christmas

And it doesn't feel a bit like it.
Even though I'm with family...well my sister to be more precise, and surrounded by different people.
It still doesn't feel like Christmas
It's not like the Christmas's before either, where we would practice for months in advance all our dance routines, and carols. No, none of that this year, and I miss it.
Come to think of it, there wasn't much practice for me doing those things last year either...and it didn't feel much like christmas then too.
Sad, but true.
I miss the Christmas stresses, the arguments, the baking, the Christmas Angels, and activities.
I miss being a kid during Christmas, it always held so much more...captivating wonder.
But I didn't mean this post to turn out all soppy, and depressive.
I really do like Christmas, I just wish there was some kinda pill you could take to make it feel more like Christmas, a Christmas Spirit pill, if your not in the spirit, you'll get into it with this.
heh.
God loves you, everyone
and Merry Christmas, hope you have a good one!

Just a thought

I was eating Chinese yesterday when a thought dawned on me, so I went and asked the person that I thought would be able to answer it the best.
A little asian guy at the fast food place in the mall where I got my food from.
He didn't answer me, only laughed, handed me my fortune cookies and walked away.
I was quite offended.

But I forgot to tell you the question...

If you get a fortune cookie, and it doesn't have a fortune inside of it...does that mean you are unfortunate?

Just a thought

Classy

I have just decided (once again) that Ludwig Van Beethoven was a brilliant man, and I'm not just talking about his music, no, his love letters to his 'immortal beloved'.

"My heart overflows with a longing to tell you so many things -- Oh -- there are moments when I find that speech is quite inadequate."
"Can our love endure without sacrifices, without our demanding everything from one another; -- can you alter the fact that you are not wholly mine, that I am not wholly yours?"
"Your love has made me both the happiest and unhappiest of mortals -At my age I now need stability and regularity in my life - can this coexist with our relationship?"

Exactly how I feel in some aspects, and if you ever get a chance, look them up and read them, absolutely beautiful.

Off the Radar

So I'm falling off the radar, cause I don't have a computer to update with, and I have no time to update either.
On another note, I've chopped off my hair, and pictures will come when I have a good hair day, and I have time to take them.
I miss you all, and I will try to update when I get the chance...which will probably not be for quite a while.

Remember, remember

The 5th of November

Sometimes life is cruel, its harsh, its heartless. There are so many things that just aren't within our control, things which you don't choose to happen, but do. Things which you never even thought of happening but they happen anyhow, so many things you just don't plan on.

If you could have just one wish, what would it be?
I know what mine would be, but its selfish, and I want to be selfish with it. But its cruel of me, heartless of me to want something like that, because I can't control it, and if I could it wouldn't be right, it would never feel right with me.

Remembering
I dream, melancholy at the windowsill
memories I will never tell
our passion in the last night hours,
our tearful goodbyes at down.
Mountains and rivers divide us.
I've given up hope for rain.
Divided - I dream of you today
I even embrace the pain.
Yuan Chen (775-831)

You may think I'm just babbling on about a bunch of nonsense...and you may be right, as I guess its what comes from having a lack of sleep the night before, an insomnia attack and not being able to get to sleep till 4am in the morning.

But I don't care whether you understand what this is about or not, you're not meant to. I'm just rambling on because I need an outlet, somewhere to get it out and for someone...anyone to see and just possibly understand a tiny inkling of what I'm trying to say, without actually saying it.

I think I need a psychic for this type of thing.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all people.
Allison Willcocks

You always want the things you can't have, and don't appreciate the things that you can.

If something comes to easily to you, you don't appreciate it as much, but if something never comes at all, you want it all the more.

What kind of psyched up psychology is this?

Love makes life so confusing, but without love, would you want to live?
Unknown

I don't regret anything, I just wish...things could be different. I don't despise what I've been through, I see it as something which will make my life sweeter, as hard as it is. Like a beautiful rose amongst thorny bushes, or a phoenix rising from the ashes more beautiful and stronger than before.
Rebirth, thats what I'm going through.
A new beginning and leaving behind all the old, as hard as it is, as much as I don't want to. As much as I desperately want to hold onto it and not let go, I must.

To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and when the time comes to let go, to let go.
~Mary Oliver

You never cling to something so hard as when you're about to let it go. But my feelings about this will never change, they are, I believe, eternal and nothing will every change that.

The only thing that is changing, is that I'm setting myself and all this, free.

Him that I love, I wish to be free...even from me
Ann Morrow Lindbergh



(edit) as I've been chastised, I will post a end note to say that all sayings in italic in this blog post were stolen from said blog (sorry Tina)