An Anniversary of a New Life

Another year has passed without you here.

I think about you, I wish that you were here with me, but I know that you’re in a better place.

Are you proud of me?

Are you proud of the way that I’ve turned out?

Do you look down on me from Heaven and tell others how proud you are of me and that I turned out good?

Do you wish you could have stayed, been more a part of my life down here?

Or do you now know the master plan behind it all, the reason you were called home at that time, why you couldn’t live a longer life?

I miss you.

Do you miss me?

I miss your bear hugs, your laugh, your smile, the jokes you would say, the stories you would tell.

I miss it all.

8 years have passed…or is it 9?

It seems so long ago that it happened, that we got the phone call, that I spent days crying, that I couldn’t bear to think of you, or hear about you lest the tears start falling once again.

It hurt.

It hurt that you left me at that time, I couldn’t bear it, I wanted you back so bad, that I wanted to die.

I tried to blame myself; I tried to blame others, anything to keep myself from blaming God, because I knew I couldn’t do that.

I cried myself to sleep at night thinking about you.

I asked God to let me hear your voice once again, to hear you sing to me again…I think he might have answered that request.

There are so many things that I feel like you missed out on, that I missed out on by you not being here.

But you are here, though I can’t see you, though I can’t always feel you here, you are here.

I’ve let you go, I want you to know that, it was hard, I cried, and I still think about you, and wish I could spend one more day with you again here on earth.

I wish that you could teach me how to surf like you promised, that you could teach me the tunes to all of your songs so I could finally play them.

I will never forget you, I couldn’t do that, you’ve never fully been replaced in my life, but God sent someone who tried, and did a good job of raising me, hopefully how you would have tried to raise me yourself.

Do you thank God for that now? That I had good training, a good upbringing, even though you weren’t the one to do it?

I thank you for everything that we did together while you were here, and that you’re still there to comfort me from the other side.

Happy Birthday Papa, I hope that you are rocking the Heavens into a whole new dimension today, and for eternity.

And when the time is right, I will see you again.

I love you.

It's all just happenstance

My life has been so hectic lately, one thing happening almost right after another. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time, but in the end it all seems to work out just right, and most of the times better than I even hoped.
Yesterday my sister told me that she was going to another home in Mex City for a day or so, and wanted to work out us seeing each other somehow. Of course, this being Mex City, we're about an hour away from each other, and so I told her it probably wouldn't be possible to work that out, and I left it at that. I had already concluded in my mind that I wouldn't be able to see her while she was here in Mex as things were just a little too busy in my life at the moment.
But then, later on, she popped up on chat asking if the home would let me have some time off if she came over here, or if they would let me go over there to be able to see her, and so I went off to find out if either plan was possible.
I don't know what I've done to deserve such kindness and mercy, but nobody seemed to have any problem at all with me taking off last night, and spending the day with her today.
On top of all that, we were having a bible study here with some of the young people in the area, and so I was able to get a ride to a home close to where my sister was staying, and spend the night there.
To be honest, I couldn't get through on the phone to the home to ask if I could spend the night there or not, so I decided to leap out by faith and just go, begging forgiveness as soon as I entered the door and explaining the entire situation (but I wouldn't recommend anyone else to do what I did...its better to get permission first). They were very understanding though and said it was alright that I stay the night, which I am definitely grateful for.
All in all, I am blessed, I don't deserve even a percentage of what the Lord does for me, but he does it for me anyways, and for that, I am eternally thankful.
But I am beginning to believe that my life is all just happenstance.

Snippets

It seems that I have taken up writing once again...off and on though and in spurts.
For some reason though I can't seem to complete anything that I've started, and if I try, it just doesn't come out right, I guess some part of writers block is still there. As of yet, I haven't started writing songs again though, I keep trying, but nothing comes to me.
Here are a few snippets of things that I've written over the last while.

I've been up, I've been down
I turn around
And your still there

*

Never though I'd have to say goodbye
And leave all of you behind
But there comes a time for change
In each and every one of our lives

I've said goodbye so many times
Can I say it one more time
Will I face my fears and wear the tears
That come when I move on

*

When thoughts come screaming out my brain
And emotions I no longer contain
The sun has set upon my grief
Confusion swells with no relief

*

My thoughts roam freely within your mind
And trespass upon secrets inside

*

I've got nothing to give
You've got nothing to gain
So why do you do this
And absorb all my pain

I'll give you one reason
Just let me explain
You are everything to me
And worth all the pain

Through all the sorrows and sadness
I might just complain
But you've given me reason
To smile through my pain

So don't cry my darling
Don't cry in the rain
But smile through your tears
And let me bear your pain

Those are just a few of the things that I've written over the last while, not very good, but I guess it takes time to get that writers streak back.
It comes and goes, like the moving wind, or the tides of the ocean, I just can't be the one to decide when I have it or when I don't.

New and Improved Wireless

New stuff on google, they come up with something new all the time, this is by far the best thing I've seen for a while.
Haha, and no I'm not advertising for them...or maybe I am, but its kewl nonetheless, check it out