I have just decided (once again) that Ludwig Van Beethoven was a brilliant man, and I'm not just talking about his music, no, his love letters to his 'immortal beloved'.
"My heart overflows with a longing to tell you so many things -- Oh -- there are moments when I find that speech is quite inadequate." "Can our love endure without sacrifices, without our demanding everything from one another; -- can you alter the fact that you are not wholly mine, that I am not wholly yours?" "Your love has made me both the happiest and unhappiest of mortals -At my age I now need stability and regularity in my life - can this coexist with our relationship?"
Exactly how I feel in some aspects, and if you ever get a chance, look them up and read them, absolutely beautiful.
So I'm falling off the radar, cause I don't have a computer to update with, and I have no time to update either. On another note, I've chopped off my hair, and pictures will come when I have a good hair day, and I have time to take them. I miss you all, and I will try to update when I get the chance...which will probably not be for quite a while.
Sometimes life is cruel, its harsh, its heartless. There are so many things that just aren't within our control, things which you don't choose to happen, but do. Things which you never even thought of happening but they happen anyhow, so many things you just don't plan on.
If you could have just one wish, what would it be? I know what mine would be, but its selfish, and I want to be selfish with it. But its cruel of me, heartless of me to want something like that, because I can't control it, and if I could it wouldn't be right, it would never feel right with me.
Remembering I dream, melancholy at the windowsill memories I will never tell our passion in the last night hours, our tearful goodbyes at down. Mountains and rivers divide us. I've given up hope for rain. Divided - I dream of you today I even embrace the pain. Yuan Chen (775-831)
You may think I'm just babbling on about a bunch of nonsense...and you may be right, as I guess its what comes from having a lack of sleep the night before, an insomnia attack and not being able to get to sleep till 4am in the morning.
But I don't care whether you understand what this is about or not, you're not meant to. I'm just rambling on because I need an outlet, somewhere to get it out and for someone...anyone to see and just possibly understand a tiny inkling of what I'm trying to say, without actually saying it. I think I need a psychic for this type of thing.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all people. Allison Willcocks
You always want the things you can't have, and don't appreciate the things that you can.
If something comes to easily to you, you don't appreciate it as much, but if something never comes at all, you want it all the more.
What kind of psyched up psychology is this?
Love makes life so confusing, but without love, would you want to live? Unknown
I don't regret anything, I just wish...things could be different. I don't despise what I've been through, I see it as something which will make my life sweeter, as hard as it is. Like a beautiful rose amongst thorny bushes, or a phoenix rising from the ashes more beautiful and stronger than before. Rebirth, thats what I'm going through. A new beginning and leaving behind all the old, as hard as it is, as much as I don't want to. As much as I desperately want to hold onto it and not let go, I must.
To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and when the time comes to let go, to let go. ~Mary Oliver
You never cling to something so hard as when you're about to let it go. But my feelings about this will never change, they are, I believe, eternal and nothing will every change that.
The only thing that is changing, is that I'm setting myself and all this, free. Him that I love, I wish to be free...even from me Ann Morrow Lindbergh
(edit) as I've been chastised, I will post a end note to say that all sayings in italic in this blog post were stolen from said blog (sorry Tina)
I haven't updated much recently....so someone reminded me, but do I really care? No I've been having weird dreams lately, things which I'm hoping will not come true...but weirdly enough dreams have a way of foretelling the future sometimes, but will I disclose what these dreams were about to you? No I haven't really wanted to update this blog much recently, a lot has been happening, yes, not everything is interesting, no, but when something interesting does happen, I just don't feel the need to post about it. I've got tons of pictures to go through, a lot of which I'm posting to my new photoblog, but not many are of me, as I'm the one behind the camera. I will post here though, so you guys can see me, to know that I haven't fallen off the ends of the earth....yet. I've been very happy these last couple of months, of course I had quite a few breakdowns, but we won't get into those, and just dwell on the times that I've been happy, which have far outweighed the times that I haven't been happy. I finished a painting for our living/dining room quite a while ago, which my dear sister posted a picture of on her blog, so I don't have to, my first large painting, and someday I'm going to sell it. I've been drawing a bit more, but not all the time, experimenting on a larger piece of paper, I don't know what the finished product will look like, hopefully I will be satisfied with it. I'm going to mix media. I've written a few poems/prose, something which I haven't done in a long time, the inspirations for them are sporadic and usually left unfinished. And I've no intention of finishing any of them, unless the full inspiration comes for it. I am a lazy bum...unless pushed off my little bum by some incentive or someone pointing out to me the fact that I am one. I must learn to motivate myself and become more personally responsible. I miss my old friends, but I've learned to make new ones. Things will never be the same for any of us, but I'm sure everything will just get better.
She’s just a legend, A mythological creature. Never real, never breathing, An unknown feature, Of a distant fairy tale. Never told, never heard, She’s just a ballad, Not sung in words.
