An Anniversary of a New Life

Another year has passed without you here.

I think about you, I wish that you were here with me, but I know that you’re in a better place.

Are you proud of me?

Are you proud of the way that I’ve turned out?

Do you look down on me from Heaven and tell others how proud you are of me and that I turned out good?

Do you wish you could have stayed, been more a part of my life down here?

Or do you now know the master plan behind it all, the reason you were called home at that time, why you couldn’t live a longer life?

I miss you.

Do you miss me?

I miss your bear hugs, your laugh, your smile, the jokes you would say, the stories you would tell.

I miss it all.

8 years have passed…or is it 9?

It seems so long ago that it happened, that we got the phone call, that I spent days crying, that I couldn’t bear to think of you, or hear about you lest the tears start falling once again.

It hurt.

It hurt that you left me at that time, I couldn’t bear it, I wanted you back so bad, that I wanted to die.

I tried to blame myself; I tried to blame others, anything to keep myself from blaming God, because I knew I couldn’t do that.

I cried myself to sleep at night thinking about you.

I asked God to let me hear your voice once again, to hear you sing to me again…I think he might have answered that request.

There are so many things that I feel like you missed out on, that I missed out on by you not being here.

But you are here, though I can’t see you, though I can’t always feel you here, you are here.

I’ve let you go, I want you to know that, it was hard, I cried, and I still think about you, and wish I could spend one more day with you again here on earth.

I wish that you could teach me how to surf like you promised, that you could teach me the tunes to all of your songs so I could finally play them.

I will never forget you, I couldn’t do that, you’ve never fully been replaced in my life, but God sent someone who tried, and did a good job of raising me, hopefully how you would have tried to raise me yourself.

Do you thank God for that now? That I had good training, a good upbringing, even though you weren’t the one to do it?

I thank you for everything that we did together while you were here, and that you’re still there to comfort me from the other side.

Happy Birthday Papa, I hope that you are rocking the Heavens into a whole new dimension today, and for eternity.

And when the time is right, I will see you again.

I love you.